So, uh... hey. What's, uh... what's new? Pretty uneventful day yesterday. I mean, it's not like the worst shooting rampage in American history went down or anything, right? It's not like some crazy dude put on a bullet-proof vest and murdered over thirty people in a locked classroom at Virginia Tech, right? I mean, that would have been pretty eventful, and if that had happened, I'll bet that's all we'd hear about for weeks to come! Both political parties would jump on it and try to use it as leverage for their own personal ambitions, Fred Phelps and his army of hateful bigots would protest the victims' funerals, and Jack Thompson would blame Q-Bert for poisoning the minds of America's youth. The networks and 24-hour news channels would play some cell phone footage taken by a student at the scene where you can hear gunshots and somebody screaming in agony over and over again until we could all recite it by heart, and eventually they'd make a movie about it starring some young up-and-coming actors, because nobody will believe Brad Pitt as a 20-something college student anymore. Oliver Stone would direct.

.......

What's that? That's exactly what happened? Oh, and the initial shooting was at 7am, but the school never canceled classes? You mean if they had canceled classes, over two dozen people shot at 9am might still be alive right now? Huh. Isn't that great? That is just. Great.

If anyone out there knew any of the victims, I'm very, very, very sorry. Even if you didn't, I'm still sorry.