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I'm so bored. The hazy days of summer are upon me and I'm doing nothing to capitalize. Case in point… I mowed the lawn yesterday and ran over my own foot just to see what would happen. Now I have a yard full of toe bits and a broken lawnmower. I even thought about getting a part time job as like an ice cream man or something like that… just so I had something to do and so I could get free frosty treats. My day today consists of going to the local everything store, buying a kiddie pool, blowing that bitch up, filling that bitch up, and then sitting in it for up to six hours with a 30 rack and a radio by my side. I've been praying for some local crime just so I had something to do, but it looks like today I'll have to settle for turning into a prune in the murky, stagnant waters of a grown-ups kiddie pool.
-Twigs |
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I fired up the grill earlier today because I was craving a taste of summer. After I ate three of the tastiest cheeseburgers ever (I put Thousand Island dressing on them and made homemade Big Macs) I started to wonder… can an immortal idiot like myself die of heart disease? I mean, yeah, you can shoot me in the head and I can't die, but can I clog my own arteries and die from the inside out? I'd really hate to jump in front of a Mac truck and survive, only to keel over on the toilet after an extra strenuous push. It's something to think about… and it's the reason why I've gone from ground beef patties to Boca Burgers. Why take the risk, right?
-Twigs |
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I had a date yesterday and needless to say it did not go well. I don't know why I'm so horrible at this meeting a woman and keeping a woman game, but if anyone has any suggestions on how I can avoid making a complete ass out of myself, please reach out and touch me. Or, if you're a hot chick, you can reach out and touch me too and you don't even have to have any advice for me.
Anyway, so I thought I'd be romantic and take the girl out on a day picnic, which would have been cool if I just watched the weather the day before because it poured like a son of bitch the entire time. And the fact that she wore a white t-shirt didn't help because my attention was sort of positioned on a certain pair of wet breasts. Needless to say, women don't like it when you just nod occasionally in conversation while ogling their special parts. Two face smacks later and I was down thirty bucks because she made me pay for a cab. Can you believe that… she wouldn't even let me drive her home? I mean, sure I was borrowing Jerry's meat wagon and there was a recently deceased corpse in the back (I swear I didn't know it at the time when I drove it out of the driveway), but is that any reason to get all huffy and refuse a ride?
Regardless, it was an all around shitty night, so I just went back home and stuck M-80s in my orifices for fun. Let me tell you, nothing blows quite so funny like a nose with two firecrackers shoved up the nostrils. Sure I couldn't smell for awhile, but it was worth the expression on Jerry's face when they went boom.
-Twigs |
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I just had a bowl of Fruity Pebbles and boy was it good. But I ask you this, why does that cereal leave a waxy feeling on your teeth? Someone should look into that!
-Twigs |
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It’s been a long time since I’ve posted a blog. I’d like to say that I got really busy in life, so much so that finding a few minutes to type up my daily thoughts was an impossible feat for a local would-be hero. But… the truth is that I’m just lazy. In fact, I think I’ve spent more time online in the last few months than ever before, but between Youtube, online mahjong and porn, I’ve neglected my diary duties. To the one person that used to like to read this… I apologize. Sorry, mom. (Pay no attention to that porn comment. It was just a joke.)
Anyway, as you can probably guess, I still can’t die. Not much has been happening as of late, but the schools are about to get out in the next few weeks and that’s usually my busy season. Little bastards. Kids have no respect for anyone nowadays, so sometimes I need to crack my own skull open and scare the crap out of them. Nothing puts some pre-teen prick on the straight and narrow more than being yelled at by a dude with his brains spilling down his face. Sure it’s crude and probably scarring, but it’s better than having to bust them a few years later when they’re robbing a bank or snorting coke off of a hooker’s back. I’m saving them. That’s how I see it.
Anyway, I have a mahjong tournament with my Internet pen pal in Singapore in five minutes, so I need to go and prepare. I’ll be back on a regular basis though, so feel free to check in.
-Twigs |
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In his first adventure, the bumbling Twigs Dupree was almost castrated by the maniacal cult leader known only as The Animal, now one year later, the invincible hero returns to face his greatest threat yet… really hot women and their KILLER bodies. Boobs and bullets and blood! Oh my!
“Loved the writing, the story, and the artwork...can't do much better than that! 5 stars! Lets just hope there is more where this came from.” Ron Miller, Indy Comic Review
“Merriam-Webster defines “lurid” as ‘causing horror or revulsion; gruesome; melodramatic, sensational; shocking.’ There’s good lurid and bad lurid. Bad lurid is Wolf Creek or the New York Post; good lurid is The Texas Chainsaw Massacre or the Weekly World News. Happily, The Expendable One falls into the latter camp, and does so with a splash of gore and mean humor.” Ken Lowery, Pop Syndicate
“The Expendable One is an entertaining “shut off your brain” popcorn flick put to paper. Burns’ zippy dialogue and Baugh’s amusingly detailed art keep you flipping from page with a smile on your face.” Marc Mason, Comics Waiting Room |
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5/12/2006
Check out the interview up at Broken Frontier
5/08/2006
Jason talks with The Sun Chronicle
4/12/2006
More press up at Pop Image
4/10/2006
Silverbulletcomicbooks.com talks to Jason
4/6/2006
The Sacramento State Hornet interviews Jason
4/2/2005
All Ages Zines interviews Jason
3/14/2006
Check out the latest interview up at The Great Curve
03/09/2006
Paperback Reader interviews Jason
03/09/2006
The Pulse interviews Jason
02/26/2006
JazmaOnline.com interviews Jason and Bryan
02/17/2006
"The story should be right up Fango readers’ alley." Fangoria Magazine |
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Jason M. Burns
Part journalist and part fiction writer, Jason M. Burns made the leap into the comic book industry a little over a year ago after being approached to write a short story for Dead@17: Rough Cut, Volume 1. Since that time he has been working with various publishers and artists on a number of projects, including The Expendable One, A Dummy’s Guide to Danger and the upcoming graphic novels The Underworld Railroad and The Sleepy Truth.
Most recently he served as Editor in Chief and co-founder for the nationally distributed pop culture publication Severe Magazine before stepping down to accept the position of Assistant Publisher with Viper Comics. Meanwhile Burns has been concentrating on a film and television career as well, including preparing to direct his first feature based on a comedic script he wrote called “Diary of a Jealous Man.”
Burns was born and raised in Massachusetts where he began his career managing musical acts. He has spent the last nine years as an entertainment journalist and public relations professional and considers himself… like most New Englanders… a hardcore Red Sox fan.
He currently resides in Massachusetts with his fiancé and trick cat, The Great Chewdini.
http://www.myspace.com/jasonmburns
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